I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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