Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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