You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
