took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i came on her dog
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
