So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You took a bar mat shot.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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