Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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