we made out on top of his cat.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
