How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
