I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
