THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
