its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
