happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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