I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
