He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
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complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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