I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
