my sisters under your porch take her home
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
