So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
