So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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