she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
