I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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