My nipple is on Facebook.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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