I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
zippers are such a cool invention
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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