meet me or not, i'm out of control
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
