i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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