Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
So many bounce houses so little time
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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