i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
