you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
