There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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