I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
