I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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