im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
