I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
