I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
