I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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