apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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