My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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