When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
