How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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