Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
