i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
