I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
