so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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