Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The beer is more important than you right now.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
