My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
