you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
