I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
