literally had 100 drinks last night.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
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