you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
