Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
