I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
