in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
ugly people sure do ruin things
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
