You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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