You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
