wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
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You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
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I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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