Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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