There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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