The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
