pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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