i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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