am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
