Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
