So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
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I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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