Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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