She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
